I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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