Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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