I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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