Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
