She went from zero to smokin in five shots
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
