sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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