god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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