even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
3pm strippers are depressing
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
