Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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