Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
