I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
