the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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