Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
