but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
