I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
