Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
