I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.