ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
