In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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