My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
