We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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