Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
