nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
