if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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