Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
