Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
