Plan B is the new Plan A
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
