none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
