Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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