you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
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NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
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It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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