It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
