As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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