I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
