smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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