just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I look excited, but its just a facade.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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