I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
