my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
