The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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