He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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