I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
