I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
