Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
