I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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