Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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