and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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