so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
