I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
