Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
