my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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