I just cut my nipple shaving
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
