omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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