pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
