he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
