can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
