whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
