You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
