remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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