I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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