Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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