I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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