I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
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Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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